Religion & Politics

According to Xanga, I have been a member 1504 days. I love you Xanga, but I'm cheating on you with a former love. I become a blogger on blogger.com and I feel it's time to return to my "roots". We'll see how it goes, and if I discover I'm right, I'll move over for good. Until then, I'll post on both. Here's my thoughts for today........




I have these...fears/thoughts/concerns about God and church lately, and I know of no other outlet to voice them than this, so here goes.
I was raised by a Christian family, and have attended church my whole life. Church was only seldom a family event in my middle school/high school years and I opted to go by myself for that time. While I've always believed in GOD, and the bible, and attended church, I've never been one of those people who knows all the verses, and can recite scripture. I've never been so completely immersed in a church family that they were LIKE family. I often forget to pray and be thankful for the good things, instead only remembering my prayers when something bad happens.
I DESIRE to be a better "Christian", and to have daily devotional, have church be a huge part of my life, and be a strong Woman for God.
So why, you ask, is the word Christian in parenthesis above? Because I don't know if I want to fall into the category of what I've seen being called Christians lately. And after living outside of this small town for so long, I realized even more so how closed-minded and black and white I was not only raised, but how so many people think. I'm afraid that the things *I* believe to be true won't allow me to be welcome in a church.
See, I have this problem with organized religion. It's called your "beliefs" because it's JUST that. All these different people back 300 years ago decided to form groups of THEIR interpretation of the bible. And because of that, we now have hundreds of different religions, and religious groups. So which group is "right?" Are the ones who are wrong all going to hell because they read something and their brain interpreted it a different way than their neighbor? I'm sorry, I don't believe in ANGRY Christianity. I consider myself a nondenominational christian, and I consider my beliefs fairly simple. I'll lay out a few of them in a minute, but before I do, I want to venture further down the black and white road. So many churches I've been in, or people I know, only believe in right or wrong. What happened to circumstance?
Here's my beliefs, the reasons why, and thus, the reasons I don't think a church would want me, as most of my own family doesn't even agree:
1. I believe in God, I believe God loves us, and wants us to do good, be kind, praise him, and live a Christ-like life. I don't believe God is full of hate, or should be feared. If God died for our sins, then why should I be afraid? If God loves me, I have no reason to be anything but happy, and comforted.
2. I believe in the bible, and believe you must read it, dissect it, and decide for yourself what it says. Don't let anyone tell you what it all means and just "trust them." It's THE book, read it.
3. I believe if we are to "love our brothers and sisters" that means ALL of them. The black ones, the gay ones, the drug head ones, the ones who do stupid stuff, the black sheep.. ALL of them. Now that doesn't mean I don't want my illegal alien brothers and sisters to go back home and I'll visit Mexico if I want to see them...Or that my lost, drug addicted brothers and sisters don't need help and support.... But I have no hate. We are ALL CREATED EQUAL!!!!
4. On that note, I believe in Gay marriage. (I can hear the gasps now) I'm not gay, will never be gay, and actually have no extremely close friends that are gay. But that doesn't matter. As a straight woman, love was hard enough to find. And as a married woman, I know it's a TREASURE to find. Why deprive others of that? I never made the "decision" to like men. I don't believe people makes the choice to be gay. It certainly can't be an easy lifestyle to live, so I'm just guessing it isn't just the "cool thing to do". I know that the bible says that a man laying with a man is an "abomination", but the same verse states that "eating crab and lobster and wearing clothes made of two fabrics woven together" is also an "abomination". raise your hand if you've ever done either of those things. You think your going to hell? Didn't think so. And besides, if I'm wrong, or if being Gay is so wrong, let GOD judge them, it's his job anyway, not yours. NO HATE!!
5. Abortion is another hot topic right now, and another one where I'm considered "on the fence". See, my problem with picking a side between "pro-choice" or "pro-life" is that there are no circumstances in the laws. Do I believe a 15 year old girl who decided to whore around and ends up pregnant should be allowed to have an abortion? No. But I don't believe in her being forced to ruin her life, or the life of her child by making her raise a baby she doesn't want is the answer either. Clearly, adoption is the best choice in that case. Do I believe that a woman raped that becomes pregnant should be able to abort the child in the FIRST trimester? I believe it should be her choice, yes. But the scenario that plays in my mind is this: Should a woman who has young children at home that depend on her be able to abort a pregnancy that will kill her if she doesn't? YES. I'm sorry, I love kids, and it would KILL me to have to abort a child. Anyone who knows me well knows how much that would hurt me. But if I had a a family at home already depending on me, kids that needed me to be there, I would abort the pregnancy. I think for abortions to be legal, they need to be medical, or under extreme circumstance. There should be no "abortion Clinics" or places where people just decide under their own free will to do so. I think it NEEDS to be a tender subject, and it needs to be less accessible, and more educated. Before any doctor preforms an abortion, make the woman look at facts, watch a video, meet a couple willing to adopt. Show woman ALL of their choices and make a course you have to go through, a test you have to take, and a counselor to meet with first. See? I have no "side". its' yes and no, because I do believe it's a life as soon as the heart starts beating... but I believe every child also deserves a life of quality and substance as well, and sometimes that isn't an option.
5. I believe that this world worries WAY to much about other peoples business and not enough about their own. I believe there is entirely to much hate in this world, to much bad, to much sadness. And I believe God is probably more worried about all of that, than whether or not Joey likes Mike or Annie. I don't think God hates music, or dancing, or women showing their hair & faces, or wearing pants.
See, I want to find a place (doesn't have to be a church if that's what it takes) that doesn't spend all it's time preaching about how others do wrong. I want to find a place to go where others just believe in God, and want to do good for others. I think Mission trips are amazing. Missionaries sacrifice comfort and luxuries in their own life to travel to places and bring good, and God, to other places. That's cool. I want to go somewhere that's about Love, spreading good things, being with other people like you, and helping others live a better, more fulfilling life. I want to go to a Church that isn't full of people just waiting to judge me, but eager to see me, celebrate my family with their families, and be a positive part of each others lives where judgement doesn't pass, just understanding, help, etc. You know I'm actually avoiding church for another reason than these? Through my medical issues, being married, and my own fault, I've gained alot of weight, and I'm uncomfortable with it. And I'm afraid of how I'll be judged if I go to a new church. I'll be the "fat girl that came last Sunday". Sad, right?
It seems simple to me, but others make it sooo complex. Am I afraid friends will read this and like me less, or not at all? Sure. Will I stand behind it anyway? Absolutely. Because I have so many friends that have different views than my own, and I love them just the same. And I would love to get into friendly conversations with them about their views, see different sides. That's how one makes an EDUCATED choice. Someone else may say something I didn't think about, or tell me something I didn't know. And if I changed my mind about something BASED on that, that's ok. But to say I believe something just because someone says it's right, even if I know nothing about it isn't how I decide how I feel about something.
Does a place of happiness and good things to praise God exist? or is it all "House of Damning" where we only hear about what others are doing wrong?